Prepare for a ramble…

March 21, 2011 § Leave a comment

I apologize for the lack of update. You’d think with me not being on Facebook (which, by the way, was the best decision ever.. more on that later) I’d have all the time in the world. However, my time has been quickly filled with studying and school work. Strangely, I have had an enormous flood of motivation over the past week or so – I have the determination to sit down and study for a significant amount of time, I actually go to the gym to work out or go for a run every single day, I clean my room – I mean this is the strangest thing ever. The amount of artistic and creative inspiration in my body and mind, though, is close to zero. I feel so defeated I can barely get myself to analyze a simple movie. That’s right, it’s that serious.

It’s the weirdest thing: I am not doing well in any of my classes, my good just isn’t good enough, heck my great isn’t is good enough – I am trying so hard to succeed and the test results just aren’t showing it. I feel repeatedly beaten down – it’s knocked all of my creative inspiration down to it’s minimum, yet my determination for success has increased. Strange, yes? I’m not totally complaining, being able to feel motivated for my studies is wonderful. But it’s extraordinarily exhausting. The things I love to do, that give me a break in the day, I just don’t have the energy for.

C’est la vie. 6 more weeks and I can relax on the lake, lounging in a kayak. Soaking in the Vitamin D from the rays of the sun that will actually warm my skin. It’s almost here. Just far enough out of reach. Gotta push through..

 

All that I know is I’m breathing/All I can do is keep breathing.” – I.M.

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