February 24, 2011 § 1 Comment
Today – we’re getting personal.
I’m studying to be an athletic trainer – no not someone who trains athletes. We’re the people that fix the athletes that get hurt and then we get them back on the field. This semester I’m taking my first evaluation course – where we learn how to diagnose the injuries athlete’s get. Today was our first test; there’s a written portion and a practical portion. I did poorly on both. Today is not my day.
After finishing the written test I’m already feeling less confident than I was after the entire week of studying that occurred. I shake it off and get ready to kill on my practical test – because in practice, I was impeccable. I end up choosing one of the easiest injuries, get ahead of myself, forget to complete significant evaluations, but, thankfully, diagnose the injury correctly. I get a little scolding from my professor and she ends with a bit of encouragement – “You just need to build from here, you’re going to be fine.” I want nothing more than to be a great athletic trainer, and to screw up my very first evaluation exam was incredibly discouraging. Refusing to say anything, except “uh huh” “ok” “right”, because anything more than two syllables would release a cascade of tears, I sprint to the bus stop where I need to catch the bus to head to my last hour of work for the day. Holding back a complete emotional breakdown for an entire hour is certainly one of the most difficult things I’ve done. I don’t advise anything of the sort. I ran to my room after my shift ended and fell onto my bed – I haven’t cried that hard in the longest time.
I understand this single test does not define my reputation as an athletic trainer, I understand it’s one test and that it’s not the end of the world. This was simply the trigger to an entire week’s worth of pressure building up. For the first time in a very long time I felt the absolute desperation for the grace, love and comfort of Christ. Sobbing on my bed, I call out for Him to take the struggle from me, I can’t do it alone. I felt completely helpless trying to keep my life steady. It’s incredibly relieving when you know that at any moment in time you can call out to someone to rescue you from your misery and without any hesitation He will be there every time.
Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” God is asking you to give him all of your troubles! How many people do you know actually ask that you give all of your issues to them – on a daily basis? (If you’ve seen 30 Rock, you know it doesn’t go well) I am consistently confounded by the faithfulness of God – always there for me, loves me no less each and every day. After crying out to Him at my absolute weakness He was there to rescue me and provide me with rest.
To those of you who will be in panic after reading about my emotional breakdown (yes, Mom, I’m referring to you) I can tell you I am doing fine – only by the grace and faithfulness of my Heavenly Father.